In about a week my twins will be 4 months old. Which simply means that ‘normal’ is a very fluid term in our house. It also means that the last 4 months can be summed up with one word: challenging. Everywhere I go people ask me how life is as a twin mom and then proceed to tell me things like : “I used to think it would be fun to have twins until I had a child.” or “I think twins would be so much fun…once they’re 5.” or “Wow…that must be hard.” I grin as my inward dialogue defaults to sarcasm (i.e. see below) :
But sarcasm aside, I am grateful for this double portion that God bestowed on our family and for this task He prepared in advance for me to be faithful with. This season has brought out the worst in me and the best in me – sometimes in the same 24 hour period! It has challenged me far beyond I ever thought I could go and it’s teaching me lessons I’ll be learning the rest of my life. And through all the sleepless nights, moments of despair, feeling like there isn’t enough of me to go around, cabin fever (cooking is a great cure), physical pain of recovery, attempts to be patient with my toddler in midst of baby [babies] crying, attempts to discipline said toddler while nursing one babe and rocking other babe in bouncy seat, and all of the other moments that have filled the space of the last 4 months…my take away is this: only God can turn my chaos into contentment.
Because the Lord is my Shepherd – I lack nothing. NOTHING! He will lead me beside quiet waters and provide all that I need – that is His promise. He has assigned me my lot and my portion – these are different than your lot and your portion. The boundary lines have been set for my life by His hand. He knows me better than I know me…and He knows what I can handle…in His strength. He has hemmed me in. And because I trust that my God is who He says He is and that His words are the truest thing I have to hold on to: contentment becomes louder than the chaos of 3 in diapers.
His contentment anchors me on the days that showering doesn’t happen until 4pm…eating is ‘to be continued’….socializing & adult conversation seems like a lifetime ago…getting everyone fed is a sheer miracle…and date nights with husband involve picking up toys, sharing some dark chocolate and going to bed early. And it’s His contentment that beckons each of us right where we’re at…right in the middle of whatever chaos you find yourself in…right in the middle of whatever season is stretching you beyond what’s comfortable…it’s available. May we take hold of it by trusting that Jesus is who He says He is: the Prince of Peace who changes contentment from something elusive into something tangible.