I tend to measure my role as “mom” by the things I do for my little. Read to him today & limited TV time…check….fed him nutritious foods for every meal & successfully avoided sugar…check….practiced alphabets while simultaneously changing diaper…check. The mental check list goes on and I’m sure you can enter your own here. But nowhere on that checklist of mine is: Love Sam by Loving His Dad. And of course I do love my husband…deeply…but I simply just don’t think to view my role as “mom” through the lens of my more important role as “wife.”
I say more important role not because my child is any less important to me than my husband but because God’s design for a healthy family is, first, a healthy marriage. The family unit falls apart quick when the relationship of husband and wife is strained or broken. The best way I can invest in my kiddo is by investing in his dad. Making him my first earthly priority. Sowing seeds of love & respect into our friendship & partnership. Submitting to him out of reverence for my Savior. Bringing him good and not harm with my words and actions. Being his ally, encourager and crown. Building him up instead of tearing him down. Being his ezer kenegdo, or “sustainer beside him”. Walking out in the role of wife that God so sweetly entrusted me with and gave me a blueprint for.
And that’s hard. Because at the end of a long day as “mom”, there is sometimes little leftovers when I grab for the “wife” hat. How do I make my husband my number one earthly priority in the midst of daily demands as “mom”? How do I allot mental space to him in the midst of the loudness of baby cries and temper tantrums? How do I fill up his physical touch love tank when being touched or clung to one more time today might just drive me to insanity?
In other words, how do I engage with and love my hubby without feeling like I’m always serving up leftovers? I’m not sure, but I do know this: obedience to my Savior means making the hubs #1 on my list of people to love. My disregard of this is really a spiritual matter more than anything. If I love Jesus and I say to Him, “today I follow You” than that love is evidenced by my obedience to His precious plan for me. I cannot confess with my mouth that He is Lord of my life and then live life by my order of things where “wife” role often ends up nearer to the bottom of the list than the top. It comes down to obedience. As Jesus sweetly reminds me: “If you love me, obey my commandments.” (Jn 14:15)
Help me, sweet Jesus, to love You & view my role of wife out of obedience to You and Your great plan for my life. And to choose each day to love my kids by loving their dad.
Thank you that I love because you first loved me.